Table of contents

My “inceldom” phase

The proto-“incel”

During my school years, it can be said that – even before the term was coined – I could be classified as an “incel”. I was the typical shy boy, secretly in love with “girl A” or “girl B”, but none would even give me a second of their attention. Not them, and not even the rest of the girls (whether pretty, ugly, or in between). I was invisible to all of them, except when it came that time of the year to, among them, rate the boys of the class in terms of their attractiveness. When those results would inevitably end up being leaked, I’d always learn I was last and felt humiliated. I was also not invisible during Valentine’s Day, as I’d sometimes get love letters, however, they were all mocking/trolling ones. More humiliation! I think it’s easy to understand after reading this how I grew up in terms of self-esteem and self-confidence…

The proto-“gymcel”

Not even when I signed up to a gym and started lifting weights things improved. Although I never joined the gym to impress and attract girls – contrary to what succeeds with most dudes there, I believe –, I wouldn’t mind if it helped. But it didn’t! I’d get compliments from the boys (“Dude, you’re clearly getting bigger!”), and the occasional compliment from girls, but they’d say the same, i.e., that I was “BIGGER”, not necessarily “SEXIER”. Congratz, I was now a “gymcel”… 😓

From “incel” to “Chad” (kind of…)

Still, after years with my self-esteem down the drain, I – finally, and not sure exactly how and why – got my first true girlfriend, at almost 24 years of age. The relationship lasted for about 1 year and a half, however, after that (and even during that, I must confess), there was a complete shift, and I started being able to attract a considerable number of girls. Looking back, I think that I was oozing a new level of refreshed self-confidence (due to proving to myself, after all, that I could indeed get a girlfriend if I really wanted to) allied with a certain status I’d earned in the meantime, as I’d been able to become a pro wrestler in my country, and most of the girls I was able to attract (and either reject or sleep with, depending on if I was attracted by them or not) were either a part of the community – or had pretty girl friends lol – or were simply fans. After a few years of… hum… “fun”, my next long-term relationship was also with someone from the community, and that one lasted for almost 2 years, including us living together.

The “red pill” rabbit hole

With the (ugly) end of that relationship, my self-confidence and self-esteem got wrecked once again. I began trying to investigate why I was able to attract women but not maintain a relationship for long. That’s how, through the internet, I learned about the “manosphere” and the so-called “red pill philosophy”, firstly via the PUA movement, and then getting exposed to all other of its movements (and all the different “pill colors”).

Becoming “red-pilled”

This phase was really important, as it allowed me to learn a lot about evolutionary psychology, female psychology (and how to avoid the so many “crazy gals” out there), body language reading, “looksmaxxing”, true masculinity, and much more. I even became interested in politics as a result, something unthinkable till that point!

Becoming “MGTOW” (kind of…)

As years went by, I also learned how to “separate the wheat from the chaff”, as, honestly, I couldn’t ignore the many issues and contradictions offered by that same “manosphere”. It was easy to solve, though: I just had to filter the misinformation and keep utilizing its good side. Currently, perhaps the best term to define me regarding intimacy is “MGTOW”, but in its TRUE original sense (“Men Going Their Own Way”) and not as cope for not being able to get a love partner (or a simple excuse to trash women for the sake of it). I live alone, seeking and fulfilling my purpose, not caring that much about romantic relationships, and, quite frankly, I can’t now envision myself living in any other way…

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